Mysterious As The Dark Side Of...

The moooooooooooon! Brownie points to whoever knows that song. :)

I just wanted to share with you all a wonderful day I had in the holidays (which seems terribly long ago now). It started out as just an average Autumn day. I was in the city garnering interest for Cranes for Hope from some local Japanese restaurants. 

But life always ends up surprising you. You know what they say though... the best prize is a sur-prise! (I know you guys look forward to my cheesy, corny lines so here you go! Plenty more where that came from.)

Some smile-lights included...

I cooked this! Just kidding, Google cooked this.

=)   The chef of one Japanese restaurant who was actually from Thailand. I think you can imagine my excitement when I found this out - you know how in cartoons when a character's eyes turn into $$ signs? Well, my eyes turned into big plates of "Pad Thai." I kid you not.

We ended up talking for half an hour about his journey to Australia as a kid and how he ended up working in a Japanese restaurant. I walked out with a hand-written recipe for "Pad Thai" clutched protectively in my hand and a huge smile on my face. Amen for Pad Thai, sister!

=)  Two Cancer Council volunteers I met outside Wynyard Station. Dave was from England (England, I say! Hold yourselves back, ladies) and Adam had only graduated from high school last year. 

Somehow, I ended up teaching them how to fold cranes. This turned into a 15-minute affair full of jokes and distractions - especially when a leggy blonde walked by and Dave completely zoned out. I then broke into song about how I'd make a man out of him and then we all started dancing in sync and people on the street gasped at our singing and dancing prowess! No, not really but wouldn't it be great if that actually happened? One day my life shall be a musical!

In the end, I was actually kind of sad to leave them and we parted with a warm and fuzzy hug. I then rode off into the sunset on my gallant horse whilst singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music!" And they certainly were!

Say hello to my new backyard.

=)  When I went to get my phone fixed (let us call the brand of my phone "Grape") at the Grape Store in Sydney, I began to joke around with the people working there. They turned out to be amazingly relaxed and, when I asked what sort of things they did together after work, they told me that they had a "gigantic life-sized monopoly board out back" and that they had to get "specially-made gigantic die" to complement it. I became faint just thinking of the possibilities!

Now, I want to share with you guys a deep dark secret of mine...

I actually get really really nervous and scared when I'm meeting new people. 

It's true - I am indeed a big pansy. I have the sweaty palms to prove it (and my ears also do this weird thing where they go really hot and red - I call this my "tomato" look, it's very popular with the guys). 

I worry whether I'll say something completely dumb or blurt out something random by accident. Or whether they'll think I'm creepy for talking to them or they just won't want to talk to me. Or whether they'll just laugh at me for my tomato-red ears.

Every time I've talked to someone new though, they've never cared that my ears go really red or that I start babbling gibberish when I'm nervous. Every person I've ever met has actually been really interesting and has always taught me something. Like behind every person - young or old, from England or Thailand, red ears or no red ears - they've always had a story to share.

Now, by no means am I saying go and talk to random strangers. Stranger danger, kids, stranger danger! But don't not talk to someone or not do something simply because you're scared of rejection or you're scared of failure. 

Next time you're scared, think of this: "20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the things you did do." And then do it. With all the strength of a raging fire.

You'll live. I promise. 

And always remember, Happiness Equals Bracket =)

Ve Vant Your Bluurd!

You know, I was once proud of my name. Quite happy with it, actually. Somehow the Italian name suited me, despite my Chinese roots. See, my dad had a thing for exotic names back in day - which is how he ended up with Ricardo, my brother ended up with Geoffrey (how pompous!) and I ended up with Isabella.

Unfortunately, due to an impulsive publishing choice and a few million crazy, teenage fans, a certain author has doomed my name forever to bring to mind images of sparkling vampires and six-packed werewolves. 

I think you know what I mean. 

So one day, I decided I was sick of introductions always starting with 'Bella? As in the angsty girl in Twilight?" and decided to break out, fly to the sky if you will. And last Monday, I woke up at an ridiculously early time to donate blood to the Red Cross with Gusta. 

That's right Edward, I'm giving away the sweet, sweet blood attracted you so much. How do you like me now!?

Due to miscalculations to time (and an inability to run for buses), we ended up missing the bus and walking from Parramatta station to the Red Cross at Rosehill. Luckily, it was a lovely day for walking with some clouds and a light breeze blowing.

Unluckily, both Gusta and I are not actually the fittest of people, so we huffed and sweated and struggled through the 1.5km journey until we collapsed, heaving, at the sliding doors of the Red Cross.

Please don't judge us.

Once we arrived, opting to take the 10 second elevator ride instead of climbing another flight of steps, a kind lady greeted us, and gave us questionaires to fill out. If you ever think of giving blood, make sure you are healthy and not carrying any diseases, because your blood can save three lives - even those of newborn babies!

Three lives. Now I don't know if that's true, but doesn't that chill you? Make you realise, that you have the potential within you to change lives?

It's a very humbling thing to know that simply because you were willing sacrifice something you'll barely miss, somewhere in the world, a part of you will live on in somebody else.

As soon as the interview was over, and I had signed all that there was to sign, I was led to a rather comfortable recliner. I must have looked slightly panicked, because a soothing vampire (well he WAS about to take my blood) began talking to me in a soft voice.

"Now this is going to hurt a little when the needle goes in.. and it looks gross so don't look at it!"

What he meant really, was that watching your blood flow into a plastic bag is not exactly the most appetising of things. But still, of course, very macho and cool. If you're looking for date ideas boys, consider taking your girlfriends along to the Red Cross!

Afterwards, we were forced to sit for 10 minutes, and then forced to drink strawberry milkshakes, eat chocolate muffins and scoff pies. "Oh well, if you insist." we said, and devoured their delicious food unashamedly.

As we ate, Gusta and I thought forlornly to the long walk ahead of us, but then the lady at Red Cross surprised us entirely by agreeing to drive us to school! 

She talked in the car, and we found out she was only twenty, lived in the Blue Mountains, had a millionaire boyfriend at one point, and got her L's at 16. All in all, it was a nice end to a life-saving morning, and though we rushed into class with crumbs on our faces, I really felt a sense of peace.

Or was that just lightheaded bloodloss symptoms? Either way, if you haven't already, please consider donating blood. It only takes less than an hour, but its a process that can add a million more hours to somebody's life. If I can do it, you certainly you can :)

Ve Vant Your Bluurd! 

Always remember, Happiness Equals Bracket =)

Just The Way You Are

I made a comment to my friends once that earned me a large amount of dirty glances and glares recently. And this was a bomber - this was the comment that caused them to refuse to talk to me for a whole period. This comment earned me a lot of slaps.

What did I say to deserve such meanness? Just three little words, really.
"Guys," I moaned one day," I. Feel. Fat."
Immediately everyone near me backed away with horrified expressions. Janet and Lindy turned their backs on me with identical looks of disdain.

"You!?" they shouted together. "YOU feel fat??! I can't believe you just said that!"
"I am not talking to you." Janet said moodily, and I got the silent treatment for a long, long hour.
 *            *                  *                     *

To those who know me, their reaction is not entirely strange. Ever since year 7, I've always been on the malnourished side, ranging between bony to average. Even though I'd been gradually gaining, I definitely wasn't unhealthy or overweight.

But although I had a healthy weight well-matched with my ridiculously tall height, secretly deep down, I wanted to be skinnier.
One moment I'd be happy with myself, the next I would see an even slimmer, pretty girl floating on the street and I'd wonder:  If I lost just a few extra kilos, would I look like that?

It wasn't an obsession, or even a priority - but I was never completely happy with myself. At the back of my mind, I felt like I had to keep losing weight until I had a perfect body.

Thankfully, I have some of the most wonderful people in the world as friends, and they made me realise how blinded and shallow I was being. Because how you look may matter for a few seconds, but to the people who are worth knowing in your life, they won't care!

It's the ones that see your flaws and failings, know the absolute worst parts about you, but genuinely love you anyway that really matter. 

This post isn't just about girly things like weight-loss either! Most of the time, as humans, we aren't happy with what we have. We want to be better in school, better at sports, better at making friends - until we reach a place where we can relax and say we've achieved it all.

The sad truth is you will be never be 'good' enough - what are you trying to be 'good enough' for? No matter what, there will always be somebody better than you. Now, I'm not scared to admit my weight anymore (58kgs because I'm SURE you were all wondering), but even I once thought it wasn't thin enough. It's frightening because it shows the quest for the best is never-ending.

But not being 'good' enough is a blessing in disguise! I'm not saying you shouldn't aim high :) Whatever you do, putting your best effort forward is important - just so you have no regrets later! However, realise that you don't have to be good enough. You can even fail. You know why?

Because you are perfect, exactly the way you are now.
Why is there so much focus on how pretty or handsome we are, whether we get the same marks as jko, or if we make it to prefects? These things will eventually stop mattering.

A beautiful face won't last, but a beautiful soul on the other hand, stays with you forever.

I have decided that I'm not going to be a silly girl who wishes for skinnier thighs and a prettier face. Who constantly wishes they had better maths marks and nothing less than a 99.5 ATAR! Instead, I want to learn to be a person who attracts others to them, simply through the selflessness, kindness and care they give. Somebody who is completely, utterly, gloriously happy with that they have!
How about you?

See, there's a reason why that Bruno Mars song is so darn popular!

It has a message I send to you with love today  - that you are amazing, just the way you are.

Always remember, Happiness Equals Bracket =)

What's After Midnight?

It's actually very frightening when you're confronted with a situation you never thought you'd be in. I know this blog is dedicated strongly to smiling, but tonight I experienced something that not only scared me deeply, but touched me so much that I can't not post about it.
And it's not going to be pretty.

After a tiring, explosive day at school delivering hundreds of roses, serenading and entertaining in preparation for Valentine's Day, Lindy and I took a well-deserved break and enjoyed a delicious Thai dinner along with the rest of our school prefect body. (Oh, it was delicious. You must try Thai).

The dinner went later that we anticipated, and I was waiting at the bus stop with two friends (Sonya and Taseen), joking around. The streets were still well-lit, being a Friday night, and distant sounds of people laughing, and glasses clinking drifted over occasionally.

Then I noticed an old lady stumbling closer to us. She had on a baggy sweatshirt and was carrying a heavy load of shopping. She was also eyeing my colouful bouquet of roses and white teddy-bear enviously.
"Are you kids celebrating Valentines early?" she said.
"Oh, yes!" We smiled and I offered her a spare rose, just in the spirit of Valentines. "Would you like a flower?"
"Thank you very much."
And then she shocked us completely.

"Can I have the bear too?"
Well we looked at this other confusedly - did this woman actually just ask us to give her our Valentine's presents for free? That was a little strange.

But the really frightening thing was when she burst into loud, sobs and tears dribbled from her eyes.
"I'm so very lonely now, and there's no one who cares about me!" she cried, grabbing at me.
"It's just so hard! I can't take it anymore." Awkwardly, I put an arm on her shoulder, and somehow she ended up in my arms, crying uncontrollably on my shoulder.

I don't know if you've ever had a complete stranger crying on you, but it's... REALLY uncomfortable. You feel like you want to fling them off and run far, far away.
Yet at the same time, it was terrible that a person had become that fragile, and seeing them break down like that. And I was ashamed of myself for not being more understanding - who knew what hardships she had been through?

"Here, take this," Sonya said softly, pushing her teddy bear into the woman's arms.
The old woman clutched the bear tightly, and wiped her tears on its soft fur.
Well we tried to talk to her about how she felt, and how nothing in life can't be won over. That things might be bad, but trials builds character. And no matter how bad a storm is, there's always a sunny day after it.

She seemed to get more distressed, until at one point she began screaming, a shrill, agonised noise.
Everyone in near vicinity turned and stared at us, whispered and pointed. Then she quietened down.

"Can we be friends, please?" she asked eagerly at one point. "Please. I'm so lonely. Can we keep in contact?"
Taseen took down her number, and in the end she shuffled away, a lone woman bent under the load of her shopping bags. I felt absolutely terrible.
We will never know if we made any difference to her life - but I hope so. And I don't know what you'll think of this incident.
But I realised how ridiculously lucky I am to have friends and family, who will always stand by me, no matter what. And now, actually meeting a person who has given up and lost all hope, I am determined to fight.

No matter how many trials and hardships life throws at us, we have to realise there is always someone who has it worse. To completely give up and wallow in self-pity and misery is just weak, because I've discovered life is worth fighting for. All the best moments of my existence have made up for every hour of crap I've been through, a hundred thousand times over. And we don't know how things fit in the bigger picture, so how can we say things will never get better?

So from now on, I'm counting my blessings and keeping my hope bright.
And to everyone who has ever said: "There's nothing good at all about my life."

Or "I've been through so much, I can't take it anymore." - you can.

Don't ever, EVER forget that even after the deepest, darkest, most haunted night - dawn always comes.

Happiness Equals Bracket =)

We Undertook a Quest

Last Saturday, Lindy and I had perhaps one of the best days ever in the history of Happiness-Equals-Bracket. In fact, friends of ours, who have already heard us gush enough about it, would probably kill us happily just to stop us posting about that day-

Who's that at the door? Just give me a moment.

BANG! SMASH! WOODSPLINTERING NOISES!

Oh. Oh dear, it seems they're right outside hammering down the door right now with axes and pitchforks so I'll make it quick. And even though this might sound like an ordinary day, there was a lesson in it - something special that hopefully you'll read on and understand :)

For those of you who have no idea who Quest Crew is, shame! But then again, I know it's difficult to match my superior fan-girl, stalking skills.

Quest Crew are a breakdancing, hiphop group who won the third season of America's Best Dance Crew - which isn't entirely extraordinary. But they're internationally well-known for being mostly asian, unfairly multi-talented, and having a wacky sense of humour.

And also 'cos you know, spinning on your head upside-down is just cool.

We found out recently that, not only were Quest coming to Australia, they were teaching dance classes in the city for a not-unreasonable amount! Well, you can imagine how excited we were - ever heard an elephant squeal?

The only problem was, the classes were breaking and bboying. Of course, being the gifted, extremely talented girls we are, Lindy and I knew neither of them. And on Friday night, we were attacked with a case of the frights.

What on earth were we doing?
Quest crew were insanely good breakdancers, and insanely good breakdancers from Sydney would surely turn up to learn from them - and then laugh at us.
We'd look like monkeys at a Justin Bieber concert.

Besides, we had to study.

But regret is a very strong and lingering feeling. More than anything, it's not the things we regret doing, but the ones we regret not doing that keep us up at night.
So we crossed our fingers, toes and eyes for good luck, put on our best bboy outfits and set off on Saturday morning not knowing what to expect.

And somehow, it ended up being the best end to a summer holiday ever.

 Smilelights =)

=) Walking into the studio to find a bunch of hardcore-looking boys - but also a few extremely nice girls, particularly one woman who had also never breakdanced before. Also, talking to aforementioned hardcore boys and discovering they were actually very friendly!

Lindy and a mysterious masked man

The mysterious man is actaully a dwarf.

=) Stretching with very flexible and well-known Victor Kim, who kept us entertained with random lines, strange noises and generally posing around. Some choice quotes:

"Alright this next move is like a fullstop in breakdancing because it punctuates it. No, more like a comma - a semicolon, a question mark maybe."

"I really think I need a filter for the words that come out of my mouth.'





Victor got sick of walking with his feet.

=) How despite our many fails, crash-landings, embarassing attempts, nobody made us feel like we didn't belong there. Even Quest Crew patiently taught their tricks, laughing along with us whenever we did something particularly cringeworthy. As for the other breakers, they never acted like they were better than us (although they DEFINITELY were).


Hok's crazy hair!



Ryan looking much better than either of us



=) Lazing on the couch and meeting some very cool guys who brought a guitar with them. Ten minutes later, despite being complete strangers, we were singing, clapping and dancing to 'Billionaire.' Then 'Love the Way to Lie.' Then making up our own songs and raps. We spent hours there just jammin' and had the time of our lives. I know, exciting lives we lead :)

One of our talented jammers!

If you are reading this Chris, Billy, Alija  - you guys are going to be famous dancers/guitarists/Bruno Mars sound-a-likes! Give us an autograph!

All in all, it was a very simple kind of day. We met some people, stretched some muscles, tried to do a handstand, rested on a couch. But when I left, there was two thoughts that kept circling my mind:

First, Victor told us this."When you make a move, never do it half-heartedly. Even if it's a mistake, make it look as if it was meant to be, and put all your effort into what you're about to do."

The reason why I love Quest Crew so much is because they had the courage to follow what they really loved to do. They had asian parents too, who definitely would have disapproved of dancing for a career. Dancing? Don't be ridiculous, DOCTOR!

In fact, many of them went to college - some even completed degrees and started working at respectable firms, only dancing at night. But in the end, it takes a lot of courage to give up all that success for a career that is really risky and not that well-paid.

The dancers is Quest knew all that, but they still quit their jobs so they could pursue what they love. They had to fight for it, and it must have been tough and painful, but Quest Crew proved you don't have to do med to be successful!

I really admire them for that. And I only hope that I can have that same courage to choose my future, a future that I sincerely am excited about.
It doesn't matter what you want to study (whether its med or law or even cooking) as long as you are passionate about it, and willing to fight hard to get there.
Otherwise, if it's just something your parents want you to do, or if it's just a respectable job to have, really consider if it's worth it.
Will you regret it in ten years?

The second thing I realised was that, had Lindy and I chickened out, stayed at home and studied, we would have missed out on this amazing, wonderful, glorious day.

Our new crew!

We would've never met all these cool, funny and awesome people. Go figure =)

Finally, here's a Quest Crew performance if you don't know them just so you can see how talented they are!

Now - ARGH! THE DOOR IS DOWN. REPEAT, THE DOOR IS DOWN AND MY FRIENDS ARE NOW IN THE ROOM ATTACKING M-

Always remember, Happiness Equals Bracket =)

Case Study: Transporting Ourselves

There’s a new group of people emerging from the ashes of physical transportation - a group that has established its unique behaviour, dead-pan expression and seat-selecting rituals. More frightening to approach than my mother chasing a cockroach, this group is robotic, uncaring and relentless. Yet frighteningly enough, they integrate into society so well, nobody has noticed their existence.

Who are they?

I like to call them Homo public-transportus (Homo portus for short. It just has a ring to it, don’t you think?). Every week on the train to school, I glance around sneakily from my magazine, and observe them in their natural environment.

Homo portus’ natural facial expression is one of utmost boredom or detachment, and Homo portus’ speech patterns have rarely been noted; conversation seems to be non-existent when travelling with them. Typical Homo portus behavior includes dabbling continuously on sleek, black iPods, indifferently gazing out windows to the graffiti-ed train tunnels beyond, eagerly pressing against the automated doors when they release their occupants.

Most importantly, members of Homo portus avoid eye-contact, smiling or general mingling at all costs.

Woe to the Homo portus who dares to approach another.

To my horror, after years of taking public transport, I found myself becoming more and more detached to people around me – exhibiting clear Homo public transportus tendencies, in fact. I know that Lindy and i have touched on this issue before, but it seems more obvious in the summer holidays (although not because I'm so popular I take public transport all the time. Hah, I wish.)

Spending hours a week in a metal box with fellow humans from the same race (I double-checked), you would think our paths are bound to cross. Unfortunately, it seems the twenty-first century golden rule of ‘Mind your own business unless I expressedly invite you’ discourages any form of human bonding, and it takes a strong shot of courage to begin a simple conversation with a stranger.

There is something very wrong when finding a smile in a trainful of people becomes akin searching for an earring in a wardrobe of clothes. Or searching for something manly in a large pile of manly things. Is it so difficult these days to find a smile somewhere within ourselves? Have we become so closed off that we miss opportunities to connect with each other?

Is keeping strictly to ourselves really the best way to live in a less-than-united world?

Sure, the world is a witch’s brew of awful disasters, pain and thorns - but we forget the overwhelming good still exists. Friends who support, family who love, people who give. In the words of Leonardo Di Caprio’s Inception character Dom Cobb: “Positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time.” So there - it must be true.

A few days ago I stepped over the gap between the platform and the land of Homo public-transportus, donned my earphones and settled in for an uneventful train trip.

Then an elderly man with kind, crinkled eyes took the available seat next to mine. Clearly not of the iPod-owning, facebook/twitter-spamming generation, he sent a benevolent smile my way and engaged me in conversation. The Homo portus part of me was outraged – how dare he barge into my boredom! - but the more humane part was strangely curious.

We were not exactly the best-matched kindred spirits - he enthusiastically talked about his small grandchildren, I hesitantly brought up the stresses of high school. However despite our differences, it was liberating to be able to share experiences, thoughts and life with a complete stranger.

"As long as you find somebody to share your life with - friend, relative or partner - you don't need much else," he said. "What material thing could possibly be better than having a person there with you every step of the way?"

Needless to say, I had no comeback for that. Unless you count the really bad ones roaming my head.

When he arrived at his station, he said farewell the old-fashioned way - a hand shake and tick from his hat. I was quite sad to see him go.

But he gave me a glimmer of hope that perhaps Homo Public Transportus may be after all, just a made-up race.

Always Remember, Happiness Equals Bracket =)

NB: Image from www.advantagemarketingsolutions.com